A Life Less Fascinating

Where does the responsibility lie?

2011-07-19T00:43:00.000-07:00

A recent post by a friend on Facebook has gotten me thinking. She posted a very interesting article about the nature of cellulose filler in food products. I was very surprised about how quickly several people re-posted it and were seemingly outraged by the content. I see this as problematic for several reasons.

First, consider the source. Where did this article come from? It was a blog on wordpress. Who is this woman who wrote it? Why do we instantaneously deem it as fact? Second, there are no references within the document to the statements the author is making, including saying that cellulose equals wood pulp, which is true is the sense that wood pulp contains cellulose, but not all cellulose is wood pulp. There is an unwritten assumption behind many of the statements in the article that are not defined or proven. Thirdly, where, and from who, is the author getting their information, and is it even valid? I could say that Kevin Neil, an ex FBI agent and military general, said that touchscreen technology has been in development since the UFO crash of 1947. That doesn't make it true.

Are we really that surprised to learn that cheap taco meat from Taco Bell is full of fillers? Did anyone who eats at Taco Bell think they were getting something that was good for them? The same applies for buying virtually anything that isn't a raw food from the grocery store. Of course it is processed, it comes in a box or a can, the very nature of that means it isn't going to be as good for you as growing it yourself. We delude ourselves into thinking that buying something that says organic or natural means it isn't processed, but most of it still is to some extent. We are all too ready to believe what the front of the box says, never read the label, then get angry when it turns out the front label didn't tell the whole story.

Marketing is bad, there is a lot of misrepresentation going on out there, but I believe the responsibility falls on us to make sure we know what we are putting in our bodies. We can't eat a lot of highly processed foods that clearly state the ingredients on the label then get angry that the filler wasn't something that was good for us. If you don't recognize what the ingredients are, then I think that's a pretty good clue that something was added, don't you? It would be great if food producers always tried to do what was best for the consumers and only made things that were super healthy. But, they don't. Why? Because it cost too much, to them and then to the consumer. Plus, people probably wouldn't buy it because it wouldn't taste as good to them as a bag of cheetos. I won't go into how in some ways we are backed into a corner and limited by the choices available and our income because that is a whole other concept outside the limits of my point, but I acknowledge there are some major issues there.

We need to be responsible consumers, both of food and media. Unfortunately we cannot always take things at face value. It would be wonderful if we could, but that is not the world we live in. Product marketing tries to make you buy before you think, media tries to make you react and believe without thinking. We always need to think first because the responsibility for the decisions we make falls on us, not on anyone else.

Sick

2011-05-18T19:20:00.000-07:00

I am sick. I have been sick for almost 2 weeks. I think I may have bronchitis.

I sat at a picnic table in the sun prior to a meeting today. I coughed and a girl at the table behind me got up and moved away. It did not feel good.

My friend Wes told me when I called him, "You sound terrible". And then "You sound like a demon". Then he laughed. I laughed too, because it was funny, but I also wanted to cry, because it was also not that funny.

I hate being sick. I want to be well. I want to go running, in fact, I want to be able to walk up the hill and not feel like I am going to cough up a lung.

This too will pass. Soon I hope.

Poem

2010-10-14T13:00:00.001-07:00

You think you are novel,
You think you are new,
But I've seen a dozen exactly like you.
You think your ideas,
Make you exciting and free,
And your philosophy won't bind you like mine has bound me.
How restricting are the ropes of friendship?
How weary are the chains of love?
If these are the worst that come,
Are they things you want to run from?

I am not a good blogger.

2010-08-18T18:34:00.000-07:00

I am currently bored. And earlier this week I was rebuked for not posting a new blog since March by a friend I haven't talked to in, oh, 8 to 10 years. Now, I am not disparaging said friend, I am just proving that even people who no longer know me very well figure out rather quickly that I am terrible at writing a blog. Why on earth did I ever decide to do this ridiculous thing?

The thing is, I WANT to write. Blogs, songs, poetry, novels, insightful funny articles for Outside magazine........my masters thesis. The problem is that I feel blocked. Once, a long time ago, in the glory days of high school (insert belly laugh here), I was told I was a good writer. Well, maybe I was but maybe my english teacher was delusional. If recent attempts to compose a song that doesn't sound like a Taylor Swift monstrosity are any indication, then I say the latter is true.

I long for inspiration. I yearn for the ability to communicate my thoughts and emotions in a way that is honest and inspiring, possibly even beautiful. And yet, I fail. Over and over and over again. Is it my head that is the problem? Or my heart? Or am I not gifted? Who knows. I struggle not to envy those people to whom it comes naturally. Where songs or poetry just flow out of them like water from a spring. They breath and art emerges. I breath and all that comes out is the smell of mint toothpaste.

But do I give up. Honestly? All the time. Then, because there is something deep inside me that can't let it go forever, I dive back in to another round of stuggle and disappointment. I believe I have snippits of brilliance, but they are so short lived sometimes I wonder if they ever really occured at all. People keep telling me to keep trying, that eventually it will come together, but they have no practical advice or insight on "how" it will occur.

Maybe that is the problem. Maybe I am too focused on the how. It's the science saturated part of me that can't just let things flow to their natural culmination, but has to fight to know the why and how of the process before I am ever satisfied with the conclusion. It reminds me on how my guitar teacher told me that I was too "smart" to play the guitar. He wasn't literal, he just meant that I thought about it too much instead of just letting it happen.

This could be the error I make in a lot of things in life. Maybe a mistake that we all make. Planning and prodding every aspect of our lives to try and make them what we think we want them to be. The problem is that what we think we want may not be what we want at all and most likely isn't even close to what we need.

In the end I guess I need to try less and do more. Perhaps inspiration will strike someday, perhaps not, but maybe the journey will be more exciting.

Wuthering Heights and the state of relationships in modern day

2010-03-10T13:40:00.001-08:00

I have been having a lot of conversations recently. And I have been reading a lot of books. I am sure no one who knows me is surprised by either of those statements. However, these particular conversations and my slog through the classic Wuthering Heights have led me into a conflicting thought process and a very troubling conclusion.

To begin with, why do people like Wuthering Heights? Just because it was written by a woman in a time where women had to use men's names to publish doesn't mean it is worth reading. This story is full of selfish despicable characters with no redeeming qualities. They torment and deceive one another until they are dead, and they never feel remorse. Relationships are shallow, violent, and malicious. Marriage is used as a way to get back at others, or get ahead in life. Women have no station but through their husband, and are largely idle, uneducated, gossips. We will come back to this later.

In conversations I have had about relationships in this day and age, I am largely confused. I am confronted by an entire generation of young men who are for the large part decent, nice, entertaining guys. However, they are also indecisive, confused, scared, and non-committal. Afraid of marriage, afraid of letting someone close, afraid of being vulnerable, reluctant to plan in advance because they don't want to be tied down. They don't want to date their friends because breakups can be sticky, they don't want to date someone from church because what if it goes wrong, they don't want to marry anyone because there are so many people out there you could be compatible with, how can you pick?

And you know what. I get it. I do understand, I empathize. But, I think it is all an excuse.

What happened to men? What happened to the strong, sturdy, decisive man who upholds truth and goodness? What happened to the men who want to marry and have a family? Did they ever exist? Or is it just too easy for men now to get what they want with out having to try? Are women that easy, is sex too accessible, are standards that low? Probably.

You don't want to date a friend. Do you like her? Is she fun to be around? Do you enjoy the time you spend together? Does she get along with your other friends? Are you comfortable with her one on one? Can you have good conversation? Do you have similar things in common? Do you find her attractive? If you answered yes to most of these then please listen to me. If you are giving up the chance at love, at having a real relationship that matters, because you are afraid that IF it goes wrong it COULD be bad, then you are living a life driven by fear and negativity. That is not a good way to live. God calls us to a life of hope and joy, a life lived without fear. He calls us to relationships that are long term and have depth, that are sustained by faith and hope and love. If you think something will go wrong, it probably will. If you live in fear of what may happen, you will live a small constrained life. If you believe something will work, then it likely will. If you have hope that things will be good, then they probably will be. If you don't believe me, talk to any older man who is in a happy marriage. He will tell you that you should marry your best friend.

You don't want to date someone you go to church with. Do you really want to date someone who doesn't share your faith and value structure? I don't.

So you are afraid of marriage. So am I, so are most people. Marriage is a big deal, so take it seriously. Everyone who is in a good marriage says it is the hardest thing they have every done, but they also say it is worth it. But, how can you ensure a good marriage? Well you can't, but that's fear creeping in. Your best shot? See the paragraph above.

But there are so many people out there, so many people that I may be compatible with, how do I know I pick the right one? Why should I limit myself to one person? Well, I agree. There are probably a bunch of people you could be compatible with, just like there are multiple things you could do with your life that would make you happy. You could wander around in idleness for a long time, jumping from relationship to relationship, meeting one interesting person after another, forever. But you will never be truly known by someone. You will never have the ability to have a history with someone. You will not have someone to cherish a long life with. That sounds exhausting, and lonely. Again, God calls us to be people of integrity and dedication. God says marriage is a good thing. God's design is one man and one woman becoming one flesh, two are better than one, and a cord of three (add in God) cannot be easily broken. Commitment is scary, but God wants us to be committed and dedicated to Him, and if we can't be committed and dedicated to someone we can see and touch, how can we be dedicated to God? And yes, there might be other people out there, but you pick one you think you can spend every day with for the rest of your life and be happy and you commit to them. The rest can still be friends.

And lets go back to the time of Wuthering Heights. 200 years ago people didn't have choices, they had to marry for money, or marry who was close by, which sometimes ended up being a first cousin. There were no options. They didn't have a line of nice, smart, interesting, funny women to choose from. Instead of worrying about having to make a decision, you should be thankful for it.

I do have a personal stake in this. I am a valuable person, but I am a perpetual friend. And it makes me sad. Not because I feel badly about myself, or because I am unhappy being single, but because I see the good, maybe permanent, relationships I could have slide by. Oh, what things we miss. What love and joy we give up. What opportunities pass us by.

Men, talk to other, older men in your life. Listen to what they have to say. Women, do the same.

Don't pass up happiness today for the fear of what may happen tomorrow. When love and faith and dedication exist, all things are possible.

Play and Life Reflections

2010-02-05T23:43:00.002-08:00

I saw a play tonight. "The Last Days of Judas Iscariot". The play takes place in purgatory, where Judas is residing (I think, perhaps Judas was in hell but the scenes took place in purgatory). Judas exists in a catatonic state, broken, alone, separated from the presence of God. So we think. A judge is trying cases of souls and Judas's case comes up. A writ from God allows the trial to proceed, and the lawyers call various Biblical (an non-Biblical, like Freud) witnesses to attest to whether Judas betrayed Jesus to get ahead, and should therefore be damned, or that Judas was in fact always loyal to the Lord, and was only doing what he though would spurn Jesus to the action he foresaw as destined to take place, and therefore should go to heaven.

I really liked this play, even though there was a lot of language and some vulgar turns of dialogue, it was challenging to listen to and really hear what they were saying. Some of it was profound, not completely true, but an opinion worth listening to. This playwright had something to say.

At the end, Jesus comes out to talk to Judas. Telling Judas that He had been there all along, Judas just forgot how to look. Jesus asks, pleads with Judas, to love Him, because Jesus never stopped loving. And will never stop.

Leaving the theater I had an experience that made me think more about this play. An experience that, even though it is incredibly cliche in comparison, made me relate to Jesus' feelings at the end of the play. Feelings that I think are very accurate. It is hard when someone, through actions or through words, tells you that they just don't have a place for you in their life. That you don't mean enough to them for them to even try, just a little, at anything.

Now, I could very well be over-reacting. But I felt very alone, and stupid, standing there, waiting for my friend, who knew I was there, but never came out to say hello. He just left though another door. And I stood there, thinking in my head through all the praises and acclamations I would give him about his performance, feeling proud of him, feeling privileged that I was the friend of someone with so much...gift. And I just stood there, till everyone else left, and I finally figured it out. And I felt my heart break a little. And I empathized with Jesus as I walked away, because I stand in beside my friend, every day, saying here I am Here I am if you need me. And he just turns away.

I love Jesus because He never gives up on me. No matter how many times I turn away, or ignore Him, or flat out spit in His face. He will always love me, grace will always find me, mercy will always rescue me. And I wonder, if I am to embrace Jesus, to try to be like him, am I to do the same thing? Even though I feel like I should give up and get the point, embodying the invisibility thrust upon me, should I just keep showing up? Just keep standing there, waiting, in case some day I'm needed?

Jesus does. So should I.

500 Days of Summer

2010-01-12T11:46:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine, in a conversation we were having, asked me if I had seen "500 Days of Summer". I said no, but I had it at home, sent with love from Netflix, waiting to be watched. He said that I was a little bit like Summer, that part of what made her cool was that she was independent and called her own shots. And Tom, who liked her for those very reasons, found that by dating her it took away some of that appeal, and so he was torn. But that towards the end of the movie he learns something.

So I went home and watched the movie, expecting some insight, expecting to learn something about myself. However, as brilliant as this friend is who told me the things above, I did not glean the same conclusions about this film, and in fact found the comparison to Summer more discouraging rather than uplifting.

Yes, Summer was independent, but she was also distant and unable to make a real connection. She pushed people away under the guise of independence. Tom, desperate to make a real connection, just wished she would open up to him and commit. He disliked the fact that she didn't want a boyfriend, he disliked it when she pushed him away. He wasn't torn because he felt that dating her would change her, quite the opposite, he hoped that his presence and faithfulness would change her.

What makes this story even worse is that she knew how he felt, yet she didn't end it. She drug the poor guy along, knowing he wanted more than she could give, yet because she stated in the beginning that she "didn't want anything serious" felt justified in her behavior. She was a little bit awful in my opinion, and her statements weren't consistent with her actions.

I do not want to be this girl.

But Tom, even though I relate to him more, isn't any better. He chases this girl, who told him up front what she did and did not want, then he keeps hoping that she will change. Then, when she doesn't, he sinks into pathetic depression for an obscene amount of time. Of course, this is slightly less bad when you add in her awfulness and the fact that she manipulated his feelings (yes, maybe without REALLY realizing it).

What does it mean about us when we relate to a character like this? Are we all filled with such unrealistic longings? Why do we keep chasing after people who can never give us what we really want and just keep hoping that they will change? And then we feel bad about ourselves when they don't change and break our hearts......this is messed up.

I don't want to be Tom either.

What does it mean when someone compares you to a character that you don't like....

Am I really that bad at expressing who I am?

Do they not know who I am at all?

Or, maybe, I don't know myself..............

Okay, I know, it's silly

2009-06-11T22:05:00.001-07:00

So I just watched the "Twilight" movie, for the second time. And I hate to say it, but it's ridiculously addicting. But I still have to justify myself to you, the one person who may read this. I am not one to jump on bandwagons. In fact, I tend to shun bandwagons for as long as possible. "Trendy" things tend to have the opposite affect on me, I run the other direction. Back when everyone kept saying that Brad Pitt was soooo hot, I disagreed. Only in the last few years have I finally decided he's not bad to look at (always been a Matt Damon girl myself). When Harry Potter came out, I didn't read a single book or watch a single movie until just before the 6th book was released. Of course, then I started reading the books and couldn't put them down. So when this whole Twilight thing started building, I looked the other way. I did not want to get involved in this craze that was the topic of ever pre-teen girl conversation in the US. So I ignored it. Not as long as usual though, my curiosity got the better of me. I started reading the books. And, I realized that I am just as much of a sucker as every.....other.....girl....on.....the....planet. I do have to say, thank God for my willpower to hold off as long as I did, because I started reading after all four books were published and the first movie was in theaters. I can't imagine how miserable it was for all those who had to, gasp, wait between books. Now, I admit, the books are cheesy with a capital C. They play off every ridiculous emotion that we silly girls have. And it is completely unrealistic. We are already dissatisfied with the men in our life thanks to Jane Austin, Disney, and every romantic movie ever made, but Twilight takes it to a new, even more unhealthy, level. In the movie Edward refers to Bella as a drug, he says, "You're my own personal kind of heroin". Well, this movie is like a type of heroin. You know it's bad for you, but you like it anyway, and once you start, you just want more.

Why does it hurt?

2009-05-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

I consider myself a fairly rational person. But it's funny (not ha ha funny but more odd funny) that some things can really get to me, despite what I'm sure is a rational explanation. So I have this friend, and I'm fairly sure that they won't read this, but if they do, please don't take this the wrong way, this is in my head and is not an accurate representation of you. Anyway, this friend, I'm not sure how to define our relationship because I've never had a friendship like this before. For some reason I feel compelled to befriend this person, and they just might hate it. Perhaps they don't want anything at all to do with me and are humoring me, praying daily that I would just leave them the hell alone. Perhaps, but I don't think so based on a lot of other things I won't share. This person doesn't get out much, or at least they say they don't. Basically because of a lack of time and a general resistance to social situations. Again, so they say. However, this is where the existence of an online social network can be problematic. See, other people can post pictures of you that show up on your friends pages even if the person who posted the picture is not your friend. So, on occasion, I get photos of my friend, hanging out with other people and seemingly having a good time. Except they won't hang out with me. And I don't know why. And this hurts. But, LOGICALLY, it shouldn't. There are a lot of people who like me, a lot of people who want me around, a lot of people who are willing to go to lunch or a movie or to the park. I'd even risk saying that most people who I know would be more than happy to hang out with me if I called them and asked. So why does it bug me so much that this person, this ONE person, doesn't want to? Or can't find time to. I've always thought that if someone really wants to be around you, they'll make time. Maybe that isn't a correct thing to believe.

Some Things I Don't Understand

2008-11-04T11:42:00.000-08:00

There are some things in life I just don't understand. This post is actually a continuation, or possibly a tangent, of my previous thoughts regarding social behavior. It stems from a conversation I had with a couple of my friends on Saturday night over pizza. We were chatting about various aspects of life, the evils of television watching and video games, the effects of the media on the population, differences between men and womens view of themselves in relationship to others, just your everyday light conversation.

The topic of going out to events (or parties) came up since I was supposed to be going to one such party that night. I was reluctant to attend said party. Not because I didn't like the person who was throwing the party, I actually like her very much, she's great. And not because I hate going to parties. What I don't like are parties where the main purpose is to get incredibly drunk. (I must insert here that this was just my assumption due to a comment made about the party. My assumption may have been incorrect.)

Many people think that getting drunk is "fun". I am the kind of person who has one beer, maybe two, and is done. I don't drink every day, I don't even have a drink once a week. It's just not something I think about or desire. So I just don't understand people who think that getting completely sloshed is a grand old time. Why is that fun? Why is it fun not to be able to control what you say or do? Why is it fun not to remember half the night? People say to me, "Well, you don't have to drink". Yes, that is true. But it is not very stimulating to be sober around a bunch of people who can't carry on a conversation. I'd much rather be sober around a bunch of other sober people.

Now let's tackle the idea that people drink to relieve stress or get a release. I'm sorry, I think that's stupid. That may be harsh, but it's how I feel. When a person is stressed out and they have all these things in their life they are trying to deal with, drinking doesn't fix any of those things. You may feel good for a few hours and forget the world, but when you come out of the hangover the next day, all those things you were trying to forget are still there, and they're still ugly and stressful. You did absolutley nothing to fix the problem. It's still there. And depending on your behavior when you were intoxicated, you might have a few more problems to add to the gauntlet. This line of reasoning makes no sense. If you want a stress release, do something that actually helps with your cortisol levels (which, if you don't know, regulate the stress response), like exercise. Again, remember that I am not criticising having a beer or two, I'm talking about excessive beer consumption (or other alcoholic beverages). Also, if you have some really tough stuff to deal with, get counseling. It have been shown over and over that alcohol (and drug) abuse doesn't fix problems, so why it is still a popular method I don't understand.

The only way to have a healthy life is to take care of yourself physically and mentally. I don't think alcohol abuse fits into this equation. And I don't think getting drunk is "fun". If you do think it's fun, I wonder if there is something else going on in your psyche that you need to deal with. But again, people's opinions differ, and maybe you and I are just intrinsically different in our perception of enjoyable activities.

Social Behavior continued

2008-10-31T17:21:00.000-07:00

So, in case anyone cares, I ended up being social last night. And it was really fun. I think I need to make myself go out more often.

Social Behavior

2008-10-30T15:44:00.000-07:00

I am not the most social person. In fact, I'm a bit of a hermit. I enjoy getting together with people, but I also enjoy being at home alone. I've never been the sort of person who has trouble going out to eat or to a movie by themselves. I actually feel a bit annoyed at times when my plans to be alone get disrupted by some social event. However, I wonder how healthy being alone is.

I know that everyone needs some time to be in their own head. If you spend too much time there, the picture gets a little crazy. I truly doubt any person is completely sane, and the more time you spend in your own mind, the more likely your sanity is to come into question. I have found that if I spend too much time on my own my negativity comes out in force. I know this and yet I have to make myself do things with other people. When I do go out, I have fun, but it's convincing myself to leave the house that is difficult. Now I do have to add a disclaimer, this doesn't happen ALL of the time, not even a majority of the time, it's a some of the time event.

It's strange because I have the same difficulty with running. I like to run. But sometimes I'd rather just stay in bed. It's hard to pry myself out from under the covers and put on my shoes, but once I get out in the brisk air I usually am very thankful I did. How to make this apply to social situations is troubling.

Right now I am at school, and there is a seminar a four followed by a social thing at five. I don't want to go. I want to go home. But I know I should stay. Part of graduate school is networking, and I can't network very well if I don't go to any events. So I am making myself stay, it sucks, but I'm doing it. Whether I will have the same fulfillment I find after I make myself go running is the question.

Politics

2008-10-27T10:07:00.000-07:00

In the photo on the front page of today’s New York Times was of Barack Obama standing alone on a stage waving to a crowd of 10,000 gathered in Denver. The Denver capital building loomed in the distance. I don’t know why but this picture moved me.

I am not what you would call an avid follower of politics. I dabble, I pay attention, I have an informed opinion, but I don’t know everything about every political candidate from the time our nation was founded until now. This current election feels like it has been going on forever and I am excited that it will be over in a little more than a week……I hope. In fact, I voted on Saturday. Absentee ballot. The only thing I dislike about voting this way is that I don’t get an “I voted” sticker. I know that sounds crazy, but I am proud I voted this year. I am eager to discuss with other people how I voted and why. I am happy to be part of the record number of young people that have been moved to take part in the democratic process this time around. And why am I happy, because of hope. I know, I know, the idea of hope has been shamelessly tossed around these last few months and even used as a cheesy badge of honor. Nevertheless, I feel it. I really want Barack Obama to win. I know that a single person can’t change the course of our country. I know that he’s not a savior. I know that God is ultimately in control and any person in a position of authority, in our country or any other, and that person is at best a willing conduit of God’s power. That said I don’t believe that God favors our country over any other. I don’t believe our country should bomb other countries in God’s name. I don’t believe Barack Obama is qualified only because he is a Christian. In fact, I’d probably vote for him even if he wasn’t.

Whether we like it or not, whether we want to believe it or not, our country is a mess right now. We have huge financial problems. We are in a war we can’t afford and very likely can’t win. And those are just two of the many ills that plague us. In fact, even though I desperately want Obama to win, I almost fear it. I fear it because of the mess he will be faced with the minute he steps into office. And I worry that he is just going to be faced with too much, that there is too much going sour for him to succeed they way I think he could. I want him to win, and do a fantastic job. I want him to mobilize people and countries to take a more diplomatic view of conflict resolution and inspire people to work together for good. I want him to be that willing conduit of God’s power. And if he is, maybe he can succeed regardless of what we throw at him.

Explanation

2008-10-26T18:36:00.000-07:00

From the title of this blog a person might think that I have a fascinating life. Well sorry, I don't. I'm just your average everyday person. What I mean is that I have a life less fascinating that yours, or your neighbors, or possibly even your dogs, if you have one anyway. I wish I had an existence where I could say please, stop with the incredibly awesome events already, I need a break. But alas, I have never said that, probably never will. So why am I writing in such a public forum? I guess I am looking for something. Maybe it's something I've already found and am ignoring. Maybe it's something I need to find. Maybe it's nothing.

I've had a crummy week. Well, more than a week, I can't peg where the suckiness started exactly. But this last week I had what I would call a nervous breakdown. I flipped out over a grad on a math paper and behaved in a way that was totally out of character for me. I was down right awful and mean and I'm never like that. I could hear the words that were coming out of my mouth and even at the time I was thinking "what am I doing?". But I had no power to stop it.

I don't know what is affecting me. I don't know if it is hormonal, if I'm holding something in I shouldn't, if I'm really unhappy, or if I'm just being attacked by evil. Whatever it is it needs to stop.

My cousin told me once that I take all of my emotions and package them in a tiny box inside my chest. I thought I had stopped doing that. I thought I had learned to let things go. But maybe I haven't, maybe now I just add extra protection with emotional bubble wrap.

So if you are reading this, thank you. I am going to attempt to write down things that frustrate me and also things that make me happy. I am going to attempt to be totally honest. Just knowing that someone is reading, any possibly understanding, my words makes me feel a little bit better already.