A friend of mine, in a conversation we were having, asked me if I had seen "500 Days of Summer". I said no, but I had it at home, sent with love from Netflix, waiting to be watched. He said that I was a little bit like Summer, that part of what made her cool was that she was independent and called her own shots. And Tom, who liked her for those very reasons, found that by dating her it took away some of that appeal, and so he was torn. But that towards the end of the movie he learns something.
So I went home and watched the movie, expecting some insight, expecting to learn something about myself. However, as brilliant as this friend is who told me the things above, I did not glean the same conclusions about this film, and in fact found the comparison to Summer more discouraging rather than uplifting.
Yes, Summer was independent, but she was also distant and unable to make a real connection. She pushed people away under the guise of independence. Tom, desperate to make a real connection, just wished she would open up to him and commit. He disliked the fact that she didn't want a boyfriend, he disliked it when she pushed him away. He wasn't torn because he felt that dating her would change her, quite the opposite, he hoped that his presence and faithfulness would change her.
What makes this story even worse is that she knew how he felt, yet she didn't end it. She drug the poor guy along, knowing he wanted more than she could give, yet because she stated in the beginning that she "didn't want anything serious" felt justified in her behavior. She was a little bit awful in my opinion, and her statements weren't consistent with her actions.
I do not want to be this girl.
But Tom, even though I relate to him more, isn't any better. He chases this girl, who told him up front what she did and did not want, then he keeps hoping that she will change. Then, when she doesn't, he sinks into pathetic depression for an obscene amount of time. Of course, this is slightly less bad when you add in her awfulness and the fact that she manipulated his feelings (yes, maybe without REALLY realizing it).
What does it mean about us when we relate to a character like this? Are we all filled with such unrealistic longings? Why do we keep chasing after people who can never give us what we really want and just keep hoping that they will change? And then we feel bad about ourselves when they don't change and break our hearts......this is messed up.
I don't want to be Tom either.
What does it mean when someone compares you to a character that you don't like....
Am I really that bad at expressing who I am?
Do they not know who I am at all?
Or, maybe, I don't know myself..............
