Play and Life Reflections

I saw a play tonight. "The Last Days of Judas Iscariot". The play takes place in purgatory, where Judas is residing (I think, perhaps Judas was in hell but the scenes took place in purgatory). Judas exists in a catatonic state, broken, alone, separated from the presence of God. So we think. A judge is trying cases of souls and Judas's case comes up. A writ from God allows the trial to proceed, and the lawyers call various Biblical (an non-Biblical, like Freud) witnesses to attest to whether Judas betrayed Jesus to get ahead, and should therefore be damned, or that Judas was in fact always loyal to the Lord, and was only doing what he though would spurn Jesus to the action he foresaw as destined to take place, and therefore should go to heaven.

I really liked this play, even though there was a lot of language and some vulgar turns of dialogue, it was challenging to listen to and really hear what they were saying. Some of it was profound, not completely true, but an opinion worth listening to. This playwright had something to say.

At the end, Jesus comes out to talk to Judas. Telling Judas that He had been there all along, Judas just forgot how to look. Jesus asks, pleads with Judas, to love Him, because Jesus never stopped loving. And will never stop.

Leaving the theater I had an experience that made me think more about this play. An experience that, even though it is incredibly cliche in comparison, made me relate to Jesus' feelings at the end of the play. Feelings that I think are very accurate. It is hard when someone, through actions or through words, tells you that they just don't have a place for you in their life. That you don't mean enough to them for them to even try, just a little, at anything.

Now, I could very well be over-reacting. But I felt very alone, and stupid, standing there, waiting for my friend, who knew I was there, but never came out to say hello. He just left though another door. And I stood there, thinking in my head through all the praises and acclamations I would give him about his performance, feeling proud of him, feeling privileged that I was the friend of someone with so much...gift. And I just stood there, till everyone else left, and I finally figured it out. And I felt my heart break a little. And I empathized with Jesus as I walked away, because I stand in beside my friend, every day, saying here I am Here I am if you need me. And he just turns away.

I love Jesus because He never gives up on me. No matter how many times I turn away, or ignore Him, or flat out spit in His face. He will always love me, grace will always find me, mercy will always rescue me. And I wonder, if I am to embrace Jesus, to try to be like him, am I to do the same thing? Even though I feel like I should give up and get the point, embodying the invisibility thrust upon me, should I just keep showing up? Just keep standing there, waiting, in case some day I'm needed?

Jesus does. So should I.