Where does the responsibility lie?

A recent post by a friend on Facebook has gotten me thinking. She posted a very interesting article about the nature of cellulose filler in food products. I was very surprised about how quickly several people re-posted it and were seemingly outraged by the content. I see this as problematic for several reasons.

First, consider the source. Where did this article come from? It was a blog on wordpress. Who is this woman who wrote it? Why do we instantaneously deem it as fact? Second, there are no references within the document to the statements the author is making, including saying that cellulose equals wood pulp, which is true is the sense that wood pulp contains cellulose, but not all cellulose is wood pulp. There is an unwritten assumption behind many of the statements in the article that are not defined or proven. Thirdly, where, and from who, is the author getting their information, and is it even valid? I could say that Kevin Neil, an ex FBI agent and military general, said that touchscreen technology has been in development since the UFO crash of 1947. That doesn't make it true.

Are we really that surprised to learn that cheap taco meat from Taco Bell is full of fillers? Did anyone who eats at Taco Bell think they were getting something that was good for them? The same applies for buying virtually anything that isn't a raw food from the grocery store. Of course it is processed, it comes in a box or a can, the very nature of that means it isn't going to be as good for you as growing it yourself. We delude ourselves into thinking that buying something that says organic or natural means it isn't processed, but most of it still is to some extent. We are all too ready to believe what the front of the box says, never read the label, then get angry when it turns out the front label didn't tell the whole story.

Marketing is bad, there is a lot of misrepresentation going on out there, but I believe the responsibility falls on us to make sure we know what we are putting in our bodies. We can't eat a lot of highly processed foods that clearly state the ingredients on the label then get angry that the filler wasn't something that was good for us. If you don't recognize what the ingredients are, then I think that's a pretty good clue that something was added, don't you? It would be great if food producers always tried to do what was best for the consumers and only made things that were super healthy. But, they don't. Why? Because it cost too much, to them and then to the consumer. Plus, people probably wouldn't buy it because it wouldn't taste as good to them as a bag of cheetos. I won't go into how in some ways we are backed into a corner and limited by the choices available and our income because that is a whole other concept outside the limits of my point, but I acknowledge there are some major issues there.

We need to be responsible consumers, both of food and media. Unfortunately we cannot always take things at face value. It would be wonderful if we could, but that is not the world we live in. Product marketing tries to make you buy before you think, media tries to make you react and believe without thinking. We always need to think first because the responsibility for the decisions we make falls on us, not on anyone else.

Sick

I am sick. I have been sick for almost 2 weeks. I think I may have bronchitis.

I sat at a picnic table in the sun prior to a meeting today. I coughed and a girl at the table behind me got up and moved away. It did not feel good.

My friend Wes told me when I called him, "You sound terrible". And then "You sound like a demon". Then he laughed. I laughed too, because it was funny, but I also wanted to cry, because it was also not that funny.

I hate being sick. I want to be well. I want to go running, in fact, I want to be able to walk up the hill and not feel like I am going to cough up a lung.

This too will pass. Soon I hope.

Poem

You think you are novel,
You think you are new,
But I've seen a dozen exactly like you.
You think your ideas,
Make you exciting and free,
And your philosophy won't bind you like mine has bound me.
How restricting are the ropes of friendship?
How weary are the chains of love?
If these are the worst that come,
Are they things you want to run from?

I am not a good blogger.

I am currently bored. And earlier this week I was rebuked for not posting a new blog since March by a friend I haven't talked to in, oh, 8 to 10 years. Now, I am not disparaging said friend, I am just proving that even people who no longer know me very well figure out rather quickly that I am terrible at writing a blog. Why on earth did I ever decide to do this ridiculous thing?

The thing is, I WANT to write. Blogs, songs, poetry, novels, insightful funny articles for Outside magazine........my masters thesis. The problem is that I feel blocked. Once, a long time ago, in the glory days of high school (insert belly laugh here), I was told I was a good writer. Well, maybe I was but maybe my english teacher was delusional. If recent attempts to compose a song that doesn't sound like a Taylor Swift monstrosity are any indication, then I say the latter is true.

I long for inspiration. I yearn for the ability to communicate my thoughts and emotions in a way that is honest and inspiring, possibly even beautiful. And yet, I fail. Over and over and over again. Is it my head that is the problem? Or my heart? Or am I not gifted? Who knows. I struggle not to envy those people to whom it comes naturally. Where songs or poetry just flow out of them like water from a spring. They breath and art emerges. I breath and all that comes out is the smell of mint toothpaste.

But do I give up. Honestly? All the time. Then, because there is something deep inside me that can't let it go forever, I dive back in to another round of stuggle and disappointment. I believe I have snippits of brilliance, but they are so short lived sometimes I wonder if they ever really occured at all. People keep telling me to keep trying, that eventually it will come together, but they have no practical advice or insight on "how" it will occur.

Maybe that is the problem. Maybe I am too focused on the how. It's the science saturated part of me that can't just let things flow to their natural culmination, but has to fight to know the why and how of the process before I am ever satisfied with the conclusion. It reminds me on how my guitar teacher told me that I was too "smart" to play the guitar. He wasn't literal, he just meant that I thought about it too much instead of just letting it happen.

This could be the error I make in a lot of things in life. Maybe a mistake that we all make. Planning and prodding every aspect of our lives to try and make them what we think we want them to be. The problem is that what we think we want may not be what we want at all and most likely isn't even close to what we need.

In the end I guess I need to try less and do more. Perhaps inspiration will strike someday, perhaps not, but maybe the journey will be more exciting.

Wuthering Heights and the state of relationships in modern day

I have been having a lot of conversations recently. And I have been reading a lot of books. I am sure no one who knows me is surprised by either of those statements. However, these particular conversations and my slog through the classic Wuthering Heights have led me into a conflicting thought process and a very troubling conclusion.

To begin with, why do people like Wuthering Heights? Just because it was written by a woman in a time where women had to use men's names to publish doesn't mean it is worth reading. This story is full of selfish despicable characters with no redeeming qualities. They torment and deceive one another until they are dead, and they never feel remorse. Relationships are shallow, violent, and malicious. Marriage is used as a way to get back at others, or get ahead in life. Women have no station but through their husband, and are largely idle, uneducated, gossips. We will come back to this later.

In conversations I have had about relationships in this day and age, I am largely confused. I am confronted by an entire generation of young men who are for the large part decent, nice, entertaining guys. However, they are also indecisive, confused, scared, and non-committal. Afraid of marriage, afraid of letting someone close, afraid of being vulnerable, reluctant to plan in advance because they don't want to be tied down. They don't want to date their friends because breakups can be sticky, they don't want to date someone from church because what if it goes wrong, they don't want to marry anyone because there are so many people out there you could be compatible with, how can you pick?

And you know what. I get it. I do understand, I empathize. But, I think it is all an excuse.

What happened to men? What happened to the strong, sturdy, decisive man who upholds truth and goodness? What happened to the men who want to marry and have a family? Did they ever exist? Or is it just too easy for men now to get what they want with out having to try? Are women that easy, is sex too accessible, are standards that low? Probably.

You don't want to date a friend. Do you like her? Is she fun to be around? Do you enjoy the time you spend together? Does she get along with your other friends? Are you comfortable with her one on one? Can you have good conversation? Do you have similar things in common? Do you find her attractive? If you answered yes to most of these then please listen to me. If you are giving up the chance at love, at having a real relationship that matters, because you are afraid that IF it goes wrong it COULD be bad, then you are living a life driven by fear and negativity. That is not a good way to live. God calls us to a life of hope and joy, a life lived without fear. He calls us to relationships that are long term and have depth, that are sustained by faith and hope and love. If you think something will go wrong, it probably will. If you live in fear of what may happen, you will live a small constrained life. If you believe something will work, then it likely will. If you have hope that things will be good, then they probably will be. If you don't believe me, talk to any older man who is in a happy marriage. He will tell you that you should marry your best friend.

You don't want to date someone you go to church with. Do you really want to date someone who doesn't share your faith and value structure? I don't.

So you are afraid of marriage. So am I, so are most people. Marriage is a big deal, so take it seriously. Everyone who is in a good marriage says it is the hardest thing they have every done, but they also say it is worth it. But, how can you ensure a good marriage? Well you can't, but that's fear creeping in. Your best shot? See the paragraph above.

But there are so many people out there, so many people that I may be compatible with, how do I know I pick the right one? Why should I limit myself to one person? Well, I agree. There are probably a bunch of people you could be compatible with, just like there are multiple things you could do with your life that would make you happy. You could wander around in idleness for a long time, jumping from relationship to relationship, meeting one interesting person after another, forever. But you will never be truly known by someone. You will never have the ability to have a history with someone. You will not have someone to cherish a long life with. That sounds exhausting, and lonely. Again, God calls us to be people of integrity and dedication. God says marriage is a good thing. God's design is one man and one woman becoming one flesh, two are better than one, and a cord of three (add in God) cannot be easily broken. Commitment is scary, but God wants us to be committed and dedicated to Him, and if we can't be committed and dedicated to someone we can see and touch, how can we be dedicated to God? And yes, there might be other people out there, but you pick one you think you can spend every day with for the rest of your life and be happy and you commit to them. The rest can still be friends.

And lets go back to the time of Wuthering Heights. 200 years ago people didn't have choices, they had to marry for money, or marry who was close by, which sometimes ended up being a first cousin. There were no options. They didn't have a line of nice, smart, interesting, funny women to choose from. Instead of worrying about having to make a decision, you should be thankful for it.

I do have a personal stake in this. I am a valuable person, but I am a perpetual friend. And it makes me sad. Not because I feel badly about myself, or because I am unhappy being single, but because I see the good, maybe permanent, relationships I could have slide by. Oh, what things we miss. What love and joy we give up. What opportunities pass us by.

Men, talk to other, older men in your life. Listen to what they have to say. Women, do the same.

Don't pass up happiness today for the fear of what may happen tomorrow. When love and faith and dedication exist, all things are possible.

Play and Life Reflections

I saw a play tonight. "The Last Days of Judas Iscariot". The play takes place in purgatory, where Judas is residing (I think, perhaps Judas was in hell but the scenes took place in purgatory). Judas exists in a catatonic state, broken, alone, separated from the presence of God. So we think. A judge is trying cases of souls and Judas's case comes up. A writ from God allows the trial to proceed, and the lawyers call various Biblical (an non-Biblical, like Freud) witnesses to attest to whether Judas betrayed Jesus to get ahead, and should therefore be damned, or that Judas was in fact always loyal to the Lord, and was only doing what he though would spurn Jesus to the action he foresaw as destined to take place, and therefore should go to heaven.

I really liked this play, even though there was a lot of language and some vulgar turns of dialogue, it was challenging to listen to and really hear what they were saying. Some of it was profound, not completely true, but an opinion worth listening to. This playwright had something to say.

At the end, Jesus comes out to talk to Judas. Telling Judas that He had been there all along, Judas just forgot how to look. Jesus asks, pleads with Judas, to love Him, because Jesus never stopped loving. And will never stop.

Leaving the theater I had an experience that made me think more about this play. An experience that, even though it is incredibly cliche in comparison, made me relate to Jesus' feelings at the end of the play. Feelings that I think are very accurate. It is hard when someone, through actions or through words, tells you that they just don't have a place for you in their life. That you don't mean enough to them for them to even try, just a little, at anything.

Now, I could very well be over-reacting. But I felt very alone, and stupid, standing there, waiting for my friend, who knew I was there, but never came out to say hello. He just left though another door. And I stood there, thinking in my head through all the praises and acclamations I would give him about his performance, feeling proud of him, feeling privileged that I was the friend of someone with so much...gift. And I just stood there, till everyone else left, and I finally figured it out. And I felt my heart break a little. And I empathized with Jesus as I walked away, because I stand in beside my friend, every day, saying here I am Here I am if you need me. And he just turns away.

I love Jesus because He never gives up on me. No matter how many times I turn away, or ignore Him, or flat out spit in His face. He will always love me, grace will always find me, mercy will always rescue me. And I wonder, if I am to embrace Jesus, to try to be like him, am I to do the same thing? Even though I feel like I should give up and get the point, embodying the invisibility thrust upon me, should I just keep showing up? Just keep standing there, waiting, in case some day I'm needed?

Jesus does. So should I.

500 Days of Summer

A friend of mine, in a conversation we were having, asked me if I had seen "500 Days of Summer". I said no, but I had it at home, sent with love from Netflix, waiting to be watched. He said that I was a little bit like Summer, that part of what made her cool was that she was independent and called her own shots. And Tom, who liked her for those very reasons, found that by dating her it took away some of that appeal, and so he was torn. But that towards the end of the movie he learns something.

So I went home and watched the movie, expecting some insight, expecting to learn something about myself. However, as brilliant as this friend is who told me the things above, I did not glean the same conclusions about this film, and in fact found the comparison to Summer more discouraging rather than uplifting.

Yes, Summer was independent, but she was also distant and unable to make a real connection. She pushed people away under the guise of independence. Tom, desperate to make a real connection, just wished she would open up to him and commit. He disliked the fact that she didn't want a boyfriend, he disliked it when she pushed him away. He wasn't torn because he felt that dating her would change her, quite the opposite, he hoped that his presence and faithfulness would change her.

What makes this story even worse is that she knew how he felt, yet she didn't end it. She drug the poor guy along, knowing he wanted more than she could give, yet because she stated in the beginning that she "didn't want anything serious" felt justified in her behavior. She was a little bit awful in my opinion, and her statements weren't consistent with her actions.

I do not want to be this girl.

But Tom, even though I relate to him more, isn't any better. He chases this girl, who told him up front what she did and did not want, then he keeps hoping that she will change. Then, when she doesn't, he sinks into pathetic depression for an obscene amount of time. Of course, this is slightly less bad when you add in her awfulness and the fact that she manipulated his feelings (yes, maybe without REALLY realizing it).

What does it mean about us when we relate to a character like this? Are we all filled with such unrealistic longings? Why do we keep chasing after people who can never give us what we really want and just keep hoping that they will change? And then we feel bad about ourselves when they don't change and break our hearts......this is messed up.

I don't want to be Tom either.

What does it mean when someone compares you to a character that you don't like....

Am I really that bad at expressing who I am?

Do they not know who I am at all?

Or, maybe, I don't know myself..............