Friday, October 31, 2008
Social Behavior continued
So, in case anyone cares, I ended up being social last night. And it was really fun. I think I need to make myself go out more often.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Social Behavior
I am not the most social person. In fact, I'm a bit of a hermit. I enjoy getting together with people, but I also enjoy being at home alone. I've never been the sort of person who has trouble going out to eat or to a movie by themselves. I actually feel a bit annoyed at times when my plans to be alone get disrupted by some social event. However, I wonder how healthy being alone is.
I know that everyone needs some time to be in their own head. If you spend too much time there, the picture gets a little crazy. I truly doubt any person is completely sane, and the more time you spend in your own mind, the more likely your sanity is to come into question. I have found that if I spend too much time on my own my negativity comes out in force. I know this and yet I have to make myself do things with other people. When I do go out, I have fun, but it's convincing myself to leave the house that is difficult. Now I do have to add a disclaimer, this doesn't happen ALL of the time, not even a majority of the time, it's a some of the time event.
It's strange because I have the same difficulty with running. I like to run. But sometimes I'd rather just stay in bed. It's hard to pry myself out from under the covers and put on my shoes, but once I get out in the brisk air I usually am very thankful I did. How to make this apply to social situations is troubling.
Right now I am at school, and there is a seminar a four followed by a social thing at five. I don't want to go. I want to go home. But I know I should stay. Part of graduate school is networking, and I can't network very well if I don't go to any events. So I am making myself stay, it sucks, but I'm doing it. Whether I will have the same fulfillment I find after I make myself go running is the question.
I know that everyone needs some time to be in their own head. If you spend too much time there, the picture gets a little crazy. I truly doubt any person is completely sane, and the more time you spend in your own mind, the more likely your sanity is to come into question. I have found that if I spend too much time on my own my negativity comes out in force. I know this and yet I have to make myself do things with other people. When I do go out, I have fun, but it's convincing myself to leave the house that is difficult. Now I do have to add a disclaimer, this doesn't happen ALL of the time, not even a majority of the time, it's a some of the time event.
It's strange because I have the same difficulty with running. I like to run. But sometimes I'd rather just stay in bed. It's hard to pry myself out from under the covers and put on my shoes, but once I get out in the brisk air I usually am very thankful I did. How to make this apply to social situations is troubling.
Right now I am at school, and there is a seminar a four followed by a social thing at five. I don't want to go. I want to go home. But I know I should stay. Part of graduate school is networking, and I can't network very well if I don't go to any events. So I am making myself stay, it sucks, but I'm doing it. Whether I will have the same fulfillment I find after I make myself go running is the question.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Politics
In the photo on the front page of today’s New York Times was of Barack Obama standing alone on a stage waving to a crowd of 10,000 gathered in Denver. The Denver capital building loomed in the distance. I don’t know why but this picture moved me.
I am not what you would call an avid follower of politics. I dabble, I pay attention, I have an informed opinion, but I don’t know everything about every political candidate from the time our nation was founded until now. This current election feels like it has been going on forever and I am excited that it will be over in a little more than a week……I hope. In fact, I voted on Saturday. Absentee ballot. The only thing I dislike about voting this way is that I don’t get an “I voted” sticker. I know that sounds crazy, but I am proud I voted this year. I am eager to discuss with other people how I voted and why. I am happy to be part of the record number of young people that have been moved to take part in the democratic process this time around. And why am I happy, because of hope. I know, I know, the idea of hope has been shamelessly tossed around these last few months and even used as a cheesy badge of honor. Nevertheless, I feel it. I really want Barack Obama to win. I know that a single person can’t change the course of our country. I know that he’s not a savior. I know that God is ultimately in control and any person in a position of authority, in our country or any other, and that person is at best a willing conduit of God’s power. That said I don’t believe that God favors our country over any other. I don’t believe our country should bomb other countries in God’s name. I don’t believe Barack Obama is qualified only because he is a Christian. In fact, I’d probably vote for him even if he wasn’t.
Whether we like it or not, whether we want to believe it or not, our country is a mess right now. We have huge financial problems. We are in a war we can’t afford and very likely can’t win. And those are just two of the many ills that plague us. In fact, even though I desperately want Obama to win, I almost fear it. I fear it because of the mess he will be faced with the minute he steps into office. And I worry that he is just going to be faced with too much, that there is too much going sour for him to succeed they way I think he could. I want him to win, and do a fantastic job. I want him to mobilize people and countries to take a more diplomatic view of conflict resolution and inspire people to work together for good. I want him to be that willing conduit of God’s power. And if he is, maybe he can succeed regardless of what we throw at him.
I am not what you would call an avid follower of politics. I dabble, I pay attention, I have an informed opinion, but I don’t know everything about every political candidate from the time our nation was founded until now. This current election feels like it has been going on forever and I am excited that it will be over in a little more than a week……I hope. In fact, I voted on Saturday. Absentee ballot. The only thing I dislike about voting this way is that I don’t get an “I voted” sticker. I know that sounds crazy, but I am proud I voted this year. I am eager to discuss with other people how I voted and why. I am happy to be part of the record number of young people that have been moved to take part in the democratic process this time around. And why am I happy, because of hope. I know, I know, the idea of hope has been shamelessly tossed around these last few months and even used as a cheesy badge of honor. Nevertheless, I feel it. I really want Barack Obama to win. I know that a single person can’t change the course of our country. I know that he’s not a savior. I know that God is ultimately in control and any person in a position of authority, in our country or any other, and that person is at best a willing conduit of God’s power. That said I don’t believe that God favors our country over any other. I don’t believe our country should bomb other countries in God’s name. I don’t believe Barack Obama is qualified only because he is a Christian. In fact, I’d probably vote for him even if he wasn’t.
Whether we like it or not, whether we want to believe it or not, our country is a mess right now. We have huge financial problems. We are in a war we can’t afford and very likely can’t win. And those are just two of the many ills that plague us. In fact, even though I desperately want Obama to win, I almost fear it. I fear it because of the mess he will be faced with the minute he steps into office. And I worry that he is just going to be faced with too much, that there is too much going sour for him to succeed they way I think he could. I want him to win, and do a fantastic job. I want him to mobilize people and countries to take a more diplomatic view of conflict resolution and inspire people to work together for good. I want him to be that willing conduit of God’s power. And if he is, maybe he can succeed regardless of what we throw at him.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Explanation
From the title of this blog a person might think that I have a fascinating life. Well sorry, I don't. I'm just your average everyday person. What I mean is that I have a life less fascinating that yours, or your neighbors, or possibly even your dogs, if you have one anyway. I wish I had an existence where I could say please, stop with the incredibly awesome events already, I need a break. But alas, I have never said that, probably never will. So why am I writing in such a public forum? I guess I am looking for something. Maybe it's something I've already found and am ignoring. Maybe it's something I need to find. Maybe it's nothing.
I've had a crummy week. Well, more than a week, I can't peg where the suckiness started exactly. But this last week I had what I would call a nervous breakdown. I flipped out over a grad on a math paper and behaved in a way that was totally out of character for me. I was down right awful and mean and I'm never like that. I could hear the words that were coming out of my mouth and even at the time I was thinking "what am I doing?". But I had no power to stop it.
I don't know what is affecting me. I don't know if it is hormonal, if I'm holding something in I shouldn't, if I'm really unhappy, or if I'm just being attacked by evil. Whatever it is it needs to stop.
My cousin told me once that I take all of my emotions and package them in a tiny box inside my chest. I thought I had stopped doing that. I thought I had learned to let things go. But maybe I haven't, maybe now I just add extra protection with emotional bubble wrap.
So if you are reading this, thank you. I am going to attempt to write down things that frustrate me and also things that make me happy. I am going to attempt to be totally honest. Just knowing that someone is reading, any possibly understanding, my words makes me feel a little bit better already.
I've had a crummy week. Well, more than a week, I can't peg where the suckiness started exactly. But this last week I had what I would call a nervous breakdown. I flipped out over a grad on a math paper and behaved in a way that was totally out of character for me. I was down right awful and mean and I'm never like that. I could hear the words that were coming out of my mouth and even at the time I was thinking "what am I doing?". But I had no power to stop it.
I don't know what is affecting me. I don't know if it is hormonal, if I'm holding something in I shouldn't, if I'm really unhappy, or if I'm just being attacked by evil. Whatever it is it needs to stop.
My cousin told me once that I take all of my emotions and package them in a tiny box inside my chest. I thought I had stopped doing that. I thought I had learned to let things go. But maybe I haven't, maybe now I just add extra protection with emotional bubble wrap.
So if you are reading this, thank you. I am going to attempt to write down things that frustrate me and also things that make me happy. I am going to attempt to be totally honest. Just knowing that someone is reading, any possibly understanding, my words makes me feel a little bit better already.
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