Explanation

From the title of this blog a person might think that I have a fascinating life. Well sorry, I don't. I'm just your average everyday person. What I mean is that I have a life less fascinating that yours, or your neighbors, or possibly even your dogs, if you have one anyway. I wish I had an existence where I could say please, stop with the incredibly awesome events already, I need a break. But alas, I have never said that, probably never will. So why am I writing in such a public forum? I guess I am looking for something. Maybe it's something I've already found and am ignoring. Maybe it's something I need to find. Maybe it's nothing.

I've had a crummy week. Well, more than a week, I can't peg where the suckiness started exactly. But this last week I had what I would call a nervous breakdown. I flipped out over a grad on a math paper and behaved in a way that was totally out of character for me. I was down right awful and mean and I'm never like that. I could hear the words that were coming out of my mouth and even at the time I was thinking "what am I doing?". But I had no power to stop it.

I don't know what is affecting me. I don't know if it is hormonal, if I'm holding something in I shouldn't, if I'm really unhappy, or if I'm just being attacked by evil. Whatever it is it needs to stop.

My cousin told me once that I take all of my emotions and package them in a tiny box inside my chest. I thought I had stopped doing that. I thought I had learned to let things go. But maybe I haven't, maybe now I just add extra protection with emotional bubble wrap.

So if you are reading this, thank you. I am going to attempt to write down things that frustrate me and also things that make me happy. I am going to attempt to be totally honest. Just knowing that someone is reading, any possibly understanding, my words makes me feel a little bit better already.