Wuthering Heights and the state of relationships in modern day

I have been having a lot of conversations recently. And I have been reading a lot of books. I am sure no one who knows me is surprised by either of those statements. However, these particular conversations and my slog through the classic Wuthering Heights have led me into a conflicting thought process and a very troubling conclusion.

To begin with, why do people like Wuthering Heights? Just because it was written by a woman in a time where women had to use men's names to publish doesn't mean it is worth reading. This story is full of selfish despicable characters with no redeeming qualities. They torment and deceive one another until they are dead, and they never feel remorse. Relationships are shallow, violent, and malicious. Marriage is used as a way to get back at others, or get ahead in life. Women have no station but through their husband, and are largely idle, uneducated, gossips. We will come back to this later.

In conversations I have had about relationships in this day and age, I am largely confused. I am confronted by an entire generation of young men who are for the large part decent, nice, entertaining guys. However, they are also indecisive, confused, scared, and non-committal. Afraid of marriage, afraid of letting someone close, afraid of being vulnerable, reluctant to plan in advance because they don't want to be tied down. They don't want to date their friends because breakups can be sticky, they don't want to date someone from church because what if it goes wrong, they don't want to marry anyone because there are so many people out there you could be compatible with, how can you pick?

And you know what. I get it. I do understand, I empathize. But, I think it is all an excuse.

What happened to men? What happened to the strong, sturdy, decisive man who upholds truth and goodness? What happened to the men who want to marry and have a family? Did they ever exist? Or is it just too easy for men now to get what they want with out having to try? Are women that easy, is sex too accessible, are standards that low? Probably.

You don't want to date a friend. Do you like her? Is she fun to be around? Do you enjoy the time you spend together? Does she get along with your other friends? Are you comfortable with her one on one? Can you have good conversation? Do you have similar things in common? Do you find her attractive? If you answered yes to most of these then please listen to me. If you are giving up the chance at love, at having a real relationship that matters, because you are afraid that IF it goes wrong it COULD be bad, then you are living a life driven by fear and negativity. That is not a good way to live. God calls us to a life of hope and joy, a life lived without fear. He calls us to relationships that are long term and have depth, that are sustained by faith and hope and love. If you think something will go wrong, it probably will. If you live in fear of what may happen, you will live a small constrained life. If you believe something will work, then it likely will. If you have hope that things will be good, then they probably will be. If you don't believe me, talk to any older man who is in a happy marriage. He will tell you that you should marry your best friend.

You don't want to date someone you go to church with. Do you really want to date someone who doesn't share your faith and value structure? I don't.

So you are afraid of marriage. So am I, so are most people. Marriage is a big deal, so take it seriously. Everyone who is in a good marriage says it is the hardest thing they have every done, but they also say it is worth it. But, how can you ensure a good marriage? Well you can't, but that's fear creeping in. Your best shot? See the paragraph above.

But there are so many people out there, so many people that I may be compatible with, how do I know I pick the right one? Why should I limit myself to one person? Well, I agree. There are probably a bunch of people you could be compatible with, just like there are multiple things you could do with your life that would make you happy. You could wander around in idleness for a long time, jumping from relationship to relationship, meeting one interesting person after another, forever. But you will never be truly known by someone. You will never have the ability to have a history with someone. You will not have someone to cherish a long life with. That sounds exhausting, and lonely. Again, God calls us to be people of integrity and dedication. God says marriage is a good thing. God's design is one man and one woman becoming one flesh, two are better than one, and a cord of three (add in God) cannot be easily broken. Commitment is scary, but God wants us to be committed and dedicated to Him, and if we can't be committed and dedicated to someone we can see and touch, how can we be dedicated to God? And yes, there might be other people out there, but you pick one you think you can spend every day with for the rest of your life and be happy and you commit to them. The rest can still be friends.

And lets go back to the time of Wuthering Heights. 200 years ago people didn't have choices, they had to marry for money, or marry who was close by, which sometimes ended up being a first cousin. There were no options. They didn't have a line of nice, smart, interesting, funny women to choose from. Instead of worrying about having to make a decision, you should be thankful for it.

I do have a personal stake in this. I am a valuable person, but I am a perpetual friend. And it makes me sad. Not because I feel badly about myself, or because I am unhappy being single, but because I see the good, maybe permanent, relationships I could have slide by. Oh, what things we miss. What love and joy we give up. What opportunities pass us by.

Men, talk to other, older men in your life. Listen to what they have to say. Women, do the same.

Don't pass up happiness today for the fear of what may happen tomorrow. When love and faith and dedication exist, all things are possible.